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- And Finally, Nothing To See Here Folks, Move Along is brought to us this week by State ex rel. Seeman v. Lower Republican Natural Resources District, which we intended to utilize before realizing that this title contains zero comedic potential. Zero! So on to Rogers v. Cedar Bluff Volunteer Fire Department, in which an off-duty fire department medic responded to a car crash. Upon arrival, the citizen performing CPR on the victim asked the medic if he’d take over, only to be told to stop all resuscitative efforts, as the victim was clearly deceased. When the county EMS paramedics arrived a bit later, “They examined [victim] and found that she was warm to the touch, had a pulse, and had responsive pupils.” They then proceeded to diagnose the victim with a syndrome referred to in technical medical jargon as, “Not dead.” She was then re-resuscitated but died a couple days later due to anoxic encephalopathy resulting from the cessation of the cardio and pulmonary elements of the acronym. Coincidentally, Your Editor’s online dating profile indicates that he’s looking for someone who is warm to the touch and has a pulse. Responsive pupils a plus.
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